This basically happened. I didn’t catch all of it verbatim, no, but the awkward little moment is essentially rendered as-is. Or as-was, rather. We’ve all had these moments, and usually we let go of them, as we should. But this one stuck around in my mind, so finally I went ahead and let it sear its place even deeper by writing it out.
An Old Dog
You want to talk about Left Field? About something coming right the hell out of Left Field? Get this: so I’m in a pharmacy the other day, drugstore/convenience store kind of place, not like a medicine-only kind of place (who goes to those, anyway?), and I’m buying, Christ, what was it, even, it was something so goddamn insipid, like literally tissues I think. Anyway, and I’m walking toward the counter, and on the ground is one of those long plastic mats with the outline of feet on it every eighteen inches or so and then a curve at one end with an arrow pointing toward the cashiers and the words WAIT HERE above a red line, this all with the intention that blisteringly stupid people will look down and think: “Ah, I’m supposed to form a line and then go up to the cashier(s) after the people in front of me have gone up to the cashier(s).”
Anyway. So I’m walking down this little strip of foot outline-demarcated PVC toward the WAIT HERE line to wait my turn, standup citizen that I am, and from one of the aisles—let’s call it the Hallmark Cards aisle, because it was, I think—this seriously old man comes bearing down on that WAIT HERE line at a pace that says Fuck That, and he’s pushing a shopping cart, which is always weird in this place, because it’s not a grocery store, and usually you forget they even have carts, but anyway, so this guy blasts past WAIT HERE and instead he waits where he wants to (THERE, I guess) inches behind a woman who was already at the cashier counter.
Now, me? I’m more than patient enough to WAIT HERE even when some old guy cuts me off. In fact, even if it had been a young guy, I probably would have mumbled to myself “Pick your battles” and convinced myself that was righteousness, right there, but this guy was old as a motherfucker so case closed. The woman who had already waited her turn and made it up to the main event — paying — was paying with cash which she had not thought to maybe get out of her wallet which she had not thought to maybe get out of her purse and so on down the line; long story short it was taking a while. Read more
Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta mountains, Colombia – March 2017
I wrote this 381 word short story when I was either 19 or 20 years old; about the same age as the two young men therein featured. This was perhaps the first story I wrote at the age of something approximating adulthood, and brought me out of a long dry spell wherein I had written nothing save for school papers and correspondence. It’s often jarring to read something one wrote long ago, especially when young — we tend to change quite a bit from our 20-year old selves, after all, but this vignette I would write much the same even today.
Forty Seven Seconds
The man was about a hundred yards away. He was sitting, his back against a tree, with his eyes closed. He was facing away from Thom. His profile was not striking. He needed to shave. Unconsciously, Thom stroked his own chin, clean-shaven for the moment. He wondered…
The man by the tree opened his eyes, blinked, and took in a long breath. Then he closed his eyes and lowered his head back onto his chest. He had a cigarette behind his right ear. He was thinking about a football game he had played in when he was younger. He had caught nine passes that day—the best of his short career. That was during high school, in a suburb of Houston.
Thom did not know the man had gone to school in Texas. He did not know that the man had only been a smoker for three months. Thom had smoked since the age of sixteen. Half a decade had past since then; Thom had smoked twenty-one thousand, nine hundred and thirty cigarettes in total. He did not know this specifically, of course.
The man lying against the tree had only smoked one thousand twenty-six in his life—mostly Lucky Strikes and Camels, and a few foreign brands he could not name. He was a virgin, but had created a rich fabrication to subvert this fact.
Thom knew none of these things about the man. All Thom knew was that he needed to shave, and that his right bootlace was not tied. It hung limply. Thom knew about the cigarette behind his ear too, and that his boot needed lacing. Thom did not know why the man had joined the army. Thom did not remember exactly why he himself had volunteered. But he knew that the man’s uniform was green, and that his own was gray, and so he closed his right eye and steadied his hand.
The man under the tree had never made it beyond junior varsity, and had never been with a woman. He had untied his bootlace to relieve pressure on a massive blister. It had been bothering him for days. He was unshaven and was about to smoke his one thousand twenty-seventh cigarette when Thom shot him, through the neck, from about one hundred yards away.
Pointing the way toward what would be a very long, hard, cold climb.